The following email message suffers from many writing faults

The following e-mail message suffers from many writing faults, including poor tone and poor persuasive strategy. It originated with a manager and is addressed to his boss.

Your Task. List at least seven writing weaknesses. Then revise the message implementing an effective persuasive strategy. Include ideas and examples from your training in conducting and participating in productive meetings.

To: Charlotte Cohen (ccohen@mitenterprise.com)

From: Clint Johnson Ccjohnson@mitenterprise.com)

Subject: Miserable Meetings

Cc:

Attached:

Good morning!

I wonder if you know how bad meetings are around here. We seem to have endless meetings that drag on and on forever. I myself attended five meetings within the building but also was forced to participate in three more conference call meetings. And that was just last week! Nearly every one of those meetings was poorly run. Some should never have been called because they merely announced information after a decision had already been made. Some could easily have been handled in an e-mail. Sometimes I think our meetings are really opportunities to socialize under the guise of \"work.\" Our meetings are huge time suckers.

I\'m going to level with you and tell it like it is. Something needs to be done about the lost productivity and sagging employee morale around here. No one likes to waste valuable time attending poorly run or unnecessary meetings. Apparently, our managers have not been trained in how to conduct meetings, although I realize that all of them are professional and have business training.

What we need is a meeting policy or something like that. We need some guidelines or training about how to conduct meetings. Has anyone thought of that? I can think of many ways to improve meetings. Could we please talk about this?

Clint Johnson
Project Manager

Solution

writing weaknesses in the e-mail:

Revised message:

Hi Mr. Cohen,

I would like to bring to your attention the state of affairs present here with reference to meetings.

Employees here have to participate in several meetings. Many of the meetings are poorly executed. This reduces the importance of these meetings in the eyes of the employees. They think of meetings as a waste of time and hence no productive brainstorming is done in these sessions.

This also negatively impacts the morale and productivity of the employees and the value addition by them is negatively impacted.

The situation must be treated with a sense of urgency.

I request you to kindly look into the matter and advise how can we reduce the number of meetings and make the meetings more effective.

Best Regards,

Clint Johnson

Project Manager