Could someone read over this paper and tell me how it reads

Could someone read over this paper and tell me how it reads so far and changes that could be made? it is a rather rough draft. It is supposed to be a specific to general flow. The instructions were very vague. Here is the rubric.

EEB 353 Specimen-based writing rubric (~800 - 2,000 words)

2pts: Does your essay begin with one or two particular vertebrate specimens?

2pts: Does your essay follow a specific-to-general flow?

2pts: Do you lead the reader to an insight or question of broad significance for understanding evolution, ecology, or behavior? (**note: this component will be weighted more heavily in the second essay)

2pts: Do you provide adequate references to reputable academic sources?

2pts: Are your writing mechanics and voice appropriately sophisticated and mature?

Here is my paper (still needs work on the ** section)

Are We Really the Best in Every Way?

The Evolution of the Human Nose and Olfactory Senses

By: – Feb 24^th, 2017

Nestled inside the Hesler Biology building in room 603 is a skull weighing approximately 2.2 lbs. It has an approximate width of 6.5 inches and length of 8.5 inches. It has large eye sockets at the front of it’s head, two zygomatic arches, two nasal bones, two inferior nasal concha, and is missing the mandible. It belongs to Homo sapiens, creatures known commonly as “humans”. Known to roam the entirety of Earth, Homo sapiens were larger than their other Homo counterparts. Their name means “wise man”, as Homo sapiens were considered to be the most intelligent of the human species.

A noticeable portion of the human skull is the space made for the nose, including the two nasal bones and two inferior nasal concha. The nose is a portion of the human face that protrudes off of it, bearing the nostrils. Nasal cartilage and bones make up the shape of the nose as well as its size. The nose takes in odorants to obtain information from the surrounding air, as well as playing a part in conditioning inhaled air. This inhalation makes the air more humid, and the hairs within the nose prevent large particles from the air from getting into the lungs. While the space for the nose is rather large, the human skeleton does not have a protruding skull leading to a pointed nose like many other mammals. The emphasis on the olfactory senses has taken a possible back seat to the other senses, including visual and hearing. We look to the humans close relatives, the Great Apes, to get a broader view of how the olfactory senses have changed.

The Great Apes shared a most recent common ancestor with the humans somewhere between 150,000 and 200,000 years ago. The Great Apes consist of the gorilla, chimpanzee, bonobo, and orangutan. They are of greater intelligence than their counterparts, the “lesser” apes. They have a sense of self, and can recognize themselves when placed in front of a mirror as well as think abstractly, learn ways of communication (such as sign language), and use simple tools. Chimpanzees are the closest relatives to humans with gorillas being second. All of the Great Apes as well as humans fall into the “Old World Monkeys” category.

            The Catarrhini (Old World Monkey) nose is seen to have downward projecting nostrils, with a smaller septum than the Platyrrhine (New World Monkeys). This can be seen in humans also. Although the noses of Great Apes and the noses of humans look rather similar, even Great Apes tend to have better olfactory senses than humans do. Genetically, evidence has shown that Great Apes have a much greater number of working olfactory receptor genes than humans do. While all mammals have 1000 genes for proteins that aid in detection of odorants, more than 50% of them in humans do not work. In other mammals, this percentage is much less. When compared to Great Apes, 54% of the human olfactory receptors did not work while the Great Apes ranged from only 28% to 36% non working olfactory receptors. When this was mapped on a phylogenetic tree, it was clear that humans were losing olfactory receptors at much quicker rates than any other monkeys (about 4 times faster).

Looking at mammals in general, there are many species who have an extremely high number of working olfactory receptors in comparison to humans. One example is elephants, who have 5 times as many working olfactory receptors as humans. Mice have all 1000 working olfactory receptors, which makes them much more efficient at detecting odors than humans. **

If humans are the most highly evolved species on the planet, then how do we have such poor olfactory senses when compared to most other mammals? Firstly, the phrase “highly evolved” is not preferable when speaking about evolution. This is because using the phrase “highly evolved” for a species implies that evolution is on some sort of linear path towards one main goal. This is anything but true, as all organisms alive today have been evolving at their own rate for billions of years. While some may have evolved less times than others, they have all evolved on their own path that has led to the organisms they are today. This has allowed them to survive and thrive in their environment, as these organisms have not yet become extinct. This shows that these organisms have evolved efficiently enough for survival. Also, “highly evolved” could mean many things. It could be referencing the complexity of the species or how specialized it is. By any means, “highly evolved” is not very good phrasing scientifically.

Further expanding on the idea mentioned above, evolution does not continue on one linear path to a main goal. Species evolve to fit their environment best, and there are trade-offs associated with newer and better traits. Evolution does not push for a perfect species nor does it push every organ to further it’s advancement. In human’s case, we have lesser olfactory senses than other mammals even though we are considered to be “the most complex species”; this is because the olfactory senses have been traded in for other senses. As we have developed new ways to fish, hunt, and live, our olfactory senses become less necessary. We do not hunt primarily by our sense of smell, so it was not as important as a species for us to have excellent olfactory receptors. We have traded in one sense for increased ability in others.

While it is true that we are a very complex species, it is a myth that we are highly evolved and thus must be “the best at everything”. Many other animals have a sense of smell that is many times greater than our own. Evolution has not pushed all animals on a linear plane and we are the main goal or the best because we reached the end point first; all species have been evolving for billions of years. Evolution doesn’t push towards being the best, but the best fit for that population’s particular environment. Humans would not survive as well as whales in their environment and vice versa, so it is unfair to compare apples to oranges. So next time someone describes humans as better than any other species, try to out sniff an elephant and see who wins!

REFERENCES

Solution

Your draft is good.You have touched and elaborated all the points to be covered up.But regarding ,understanding evolution, ecology, or behavior of nose,below is a link that can help you with.

https://www.newscientist.com/article/2082274-the-evolution-of-the-nose-why-is-the-human-hooter-so-big/.