Study the following poorly written letter Find at least five

Study the following poorly written letter. Find at least five specific weaknesses. Revie the letter to remedy flabby expressions, long lead-ins, there is/there are fillers, trite business expressions, clichés, buried verbs, lack of parallelism, lack of plain English, and other problems. Look for ways to improve readability with bulleted or numbered points and/or headings.

Dear Mr. Perez:

We are happy to have received your request for information. As per your request, the undersigned is transmitting to you the attached documents with regard to the improvement of security in your business. To ensure the improvement of your after-hours security, you should initially make a decision with regard to exactly what you contemplate must have protection. You are, in all probability, apprehensive not only about your electronic equipment and paraphernalia but also about your company records, information, and data.

Due to the fact that we feel you will want to obtain protection for both your equipment and data, we will make suggestions for taking a number of judicious steps to inhibit crime. First and foremost, we make a recommendation that you install defensive lighting. A consultant for lighting, currently on our staff, can design both outside and inside lighting, which brings me to my second point. Exhibit security signs, because of the fact that nonprofessional thieves are often deterred by posted signs on windows and doors.

As my last and final recommendation, you should install space alarms, which are sensors that look down over the areas that are to receive protection, and activate bells or additional lights, thus scaring off intruders.

After reading the materials that are attached, please call me to initiate a verbal discussion regarding protection of your business.

Sincerely,

Solution

Mr. Perez

we are happy to say that we recieved your and we are working on it

as per your request we undergone and verified all the security documents in your business

after looking and understand them, we will inform you what measures should take.

please install defensive lighting system in the organisation. one of our staff will come and perform this activity and explains you how it performed and how can you retrieve the date whenever you require

you should install space alarams.

still if you have any querries or doubts, feel free to call back us.