Revise each of the following and then explain why you revise

Revise each of the following, and then explain why you revised the sentence the way you did. Refer to specific style rules for clear technical writing.

4. Directions for use of the enclosed substance should be carefully and thoroughly reviewed before purchasers begin using said substance; the substance should in no case whatsoever be consumed or otherwise partaken of without the purchaser’s proceeding in the prescribed manner as set forth on the accompanying and attached circular of instructions.

Revised Sentence:

Rules used:

Solution

Problem with the sentence is

1. It doesnt convey an objective to people about what they are reading . So clearly they wont understand the purpose of given statement.

2. Date is on organized or incomplete data. They mentioned about an substance (unkown). How would peolpe know about this substance unless they mention it .

3. They have issued an warning not to consume or part take the substance but they need to mention the side effects also. So the people who may unknowingly had the substance have to suffer without knowing the consequences.

4. The substance is harmful in large dosage. So they need to metion the specific places where they are availble .

5. The amount of the substance can be bought should also be mentioned by doctors prescription or anything that mentions he/she should have the substance.

Above mentioned are the problems that should be recetified in the sentence to make it meaningful .So when the audence read the sentence they will know the objective and purpose to do.

Revised Sentence :

The State departement of Forks had identified the Marijuana as harmful drug substance when used in large dosage it is dangerous. It has been declared as illegal to use this substance and using this substance without appropiate permissions will lead to legal action. People are strictly advised to not to consume or partaken of this substance . The State department has setup centres for distribution of this substance to limited people who have appriopiate prescription papers . The prescription papers contains method to use the substance to a given extent. The State government cares for their people health. Stay away from siubstance and Stay Helathy!!!

Rules :

1.Convey to the audience what you want them to know or do when they have finished reading.

2. Present information to the audience’s level of knowledge.

3. Technical Writing requires objective analysis and clear presentation

4. Do not emphasize misleading or incorrect information

5. Help you support your position, recommendations, or conclusions

6. Avoids language that could possibly mislead readers.

7. Present Tense, Active Voice

8. Use gender-neutral nouns and pronouns