Directions The following email suffers from numerous writing

Directions: The following email suffers from numerous writing faults such as dangling modifiers, overuse of the passive voice, and fragments. Notice that small superscript number identify each sentence or group of words. Analyze this message and find the faulty sentences or groups of words. (You should find three sentences with dangling modifiers, seven with passive voice, and three fragments. Then revise the message to remedy its faults.

To:

Tyler.Long@cox.org

From:

Janice Rivera <jrivera@24hourgym.com>

Subject:

Expanding Your Workouts at 24-Hour Gym

Cc:

Bcc:

Dear Mr. Long,

¹24-Hour Gym here in Seattle was probably selected by you because it is one of the top-rated gyms in the Northwest. ²Our principal goal has always been making your workouts productive. ³To continue to provide you with the best equipment and programs, your feedback is needed.

⁴An outstanding program with quality equipment and excellent trainers has been provided by 24-Hour Gym. ⁵However, more individual attention could be given by us to our customers if our peak usage time could be extended. ⁶You have probably noticed that attendance at the gym increases from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. ⁷We wish it were possible to accommodate all our customers on their favorite equipment during those hours. ⁸Although we can’t stretch an hour. ⁹We would like to make better use of the time between 8 p.m. and 11 p.m. ¹⁰If more members came later, the gym would have less crush from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m.

¹¹To encourage you to stay later, security cameras for our parking area are being considered by my partner and me. ¹²Cameras for some inside facilities may also be added. ¹³This matter has been given considerable thought.¹⁴Although 24-Hour Gym has never previously had an incident that endangered a member.

¹⁵Please fill in the attached interactive questionnaire. ¹⁶Which will give us instant feedback about scheduling your workouts. ¹⁷By completing this questionnaire, your workouts and training sessions can be better planned so that you can enjoy exactly the equipment and trainers you prefer.

Cordially,

Solution

Dangling modifiers:-

8Although we can’t stretch an hour

Correct Statement Although we can\'t stretch the operational hours of the gym

13This matter has been given considerable thought

Correct Statement: We have given considerable thoughts on this matter.

Passive Voice

2Our principal goal has always been making your workouts productive.

Our principal goal is to make your workout productive.

4An outstanding program with quality equipment and excellent trainers has been provided by 24-Hour Gym.

24-Hour Gym provides an outstanding program with quality equipment and excellent trainers.

5However, more individual attention could be given by us to our customers if our peak usage time could be extended

However, we can give individual attention to customers if our peak usage time could be extended.

7We wish it were possible to accommodate all our customers on their favorite equipment during those hours

We wish to accomodate all customers ontheir favourite equipment during those hours.

10If more members came later, the gym would have less crush from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m.

Gym will have less crush if more members come late.

11To encourage you to stay later, security cameras for our parking area are being considered by my partner and me.

We are considering the installation of security cameras for our parking area to encourage you to stay late.

13This matter has been given considerable thought.

We have given considerable thoughts on this matter.